He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
