you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
