So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
