1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
