I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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