apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
