Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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