at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
