i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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