they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
