I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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