The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
