i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
