i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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