You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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