You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize