dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
