I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
