Christians are straight up FREAKS
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
