Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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