There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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