we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
