can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
