haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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