Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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