You're so nebulous sometimes
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
