please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
