i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
