I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Mom said you looked used
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
