someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
