I just made out with a guy for $7.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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