I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
