How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize