Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
