3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm like, not good at living.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
