he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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