Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
