Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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