can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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