once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
