Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
