I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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