When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
