Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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