Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
