i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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