In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
