yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
