One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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