Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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