its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
