and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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