Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
