So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
