maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
