I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
