I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
