I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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