She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
