1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
