Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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