I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
