She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
