I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
