I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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