i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
