wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
