So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
jump out the window naked night went bad
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