The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
