just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize