We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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