Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
