i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
