i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
