From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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