i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize