Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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