2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
People in love make me want to vomit
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
