I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
