Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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