Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
