It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize