Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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