He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
two words...techno handjob
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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