if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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