I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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