he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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