I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize