I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
