So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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