We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize