I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
