I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
