Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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