I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
