This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
