I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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