how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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