He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
