Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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