Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
