I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
