Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My penis needs a shock collar
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
