we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
