he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
