apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
