that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
