and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Welp...herpes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
