Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(021): View more from

Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home

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(740): View more from Ohio

becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.

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(647): View more from Ontario

im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much

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(330): View more from Ohio

He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.

(216): View more from Ohio

Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.

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(650): View more from California

I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!

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(509): View more from Washington

I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???

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