Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
