were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
